Big E continued to outline how severe his depression had become, sharing that he was unaware of how much his mental health had deteriorated. He explained that he felt confused, as if he couldn't comprehend what was happening to him. 

"I don't think I really understood what was even happening to it back then. I don't think I knew I was 'depressed' ... but I definitely was. I don't think I knew I was 'suicidal' ... but I thought about wanting to die daily. I just felt trapped inside my own head — like it was controlling me and not vice-versa." 

The former WWE Champion also revealed that he suffered from hallucinations and episodes where he'd feel like he couldn't control his mind. According to Big E, these experiences left him with intrusive thoughts and feeling stuck in an ongoing cycle. 

"I'd get these scary hallucinations. Like I'd be staring at the TV, turned off ... when suddenly these demons would be all over the screen. Or I'd look up at the ceiling ... and suddenly thousands and thousands of bugs would be crawling on it. And what's crazy is, I'd know they're hallucinations." 

Big E explained that he often felt lost and didn't know who he wanted to be, especially after struggling as a pre-med student and feeling ashamed that he tore both of his ACLs. He also revealed that he signed up for therapy at the age of 19 and was diagnosed with major depression and psychotic features. Despite therapy being difficult for him, Big E admitted that the biggest change throughout his journey was recognizing that he was no longer suffering alone.

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